Euphoria, Take My Hand
by FangbangerLayla
Summary: My entry for the SVM Happily Ever After Contest: Thirty years after DL, Sookie is still dealing with the events that led to her being made a vampire. Will she be able to forgive Eric and herself for the past and move on, or will she hold fast to her anger?


**Entry for the SVMHappilyEverAfter Contest**

**Title: Euphoria, Take My Hand**

**Characters: Sookie, Eric**

**Word count: 3905**

**Pen Name: FangbangerLayla**

**Beta: Jaxg**

**Category: Experienced SVM**

**Summary: Thirty years after DL, Sookie is still dealing with the events that led to her being made a vampire. Will she be able to forgive Eric and herself for the past and move one, or will she hold fast to her anger?**

I looked down glancing at my watch. Quarter past midnight, the witching hour. I knew it wouldn't be long until some desperado came along looking for a cheap lay. Johns were always predictable, I pitied them.

Across the dark alley, a feral cat rummaged through a garbage bin looking for a meal. I could relate. The low fog billowed through the barely lit street corner. I stood under a street sign that read "No Public Feeding" with a cartoon symbol of fangs crossed out by a big red X. Nothing new.

Since vampires came out of the closet roughly 35 years ago, most city governments have issued ordinances banning public feedings. Some states, like Louisiana, were fairly draconian in their punishments for vamps that were caught feeding in public. Officially, the fine was $15,000 and one year in a silver lined prison cell. Unofficially, if you were caught by the local vampire sheriff, the fine was much steeper, as in removal of fangs and you got to spend the next year starving in a silver lined coffin. Though the human population knew little of the vampire justice system, they just assumed their human laws were adequate since vampires hardly ever got caught feeding in public.

A late model white Cadillac passed by me. I knew the man was interested, I saw it in his gaze, so it was no surprise that the older man circled back around the street, stopping in front of me.

Hook, line and sinker.

"Hey sexy lady." The older man cat called. I gave him my sexiest smile and curled my finger in his direction, calling him to me. Like a moth to a flame, the man followed my silent direction.

Crossways from the alley, I noted two vampire patrolmen who were under the authority of the local sheriff.

"You lookin' for a good time, handsome?" I purred. I knew he was, I could smell the Viagra in his system and by the looks of the small tent in his pants, I knew he had waited the recommended thirty minutes to ensure the effectiveness of his little blue pill.

"Oh yeah. Got a twenty in my pocket and you have sexy lips." He said attempting to be seductive. He wasn't. The smell of stale cigarettes and Wild Turkey permeated his body and his blood smelled like fatty processed food and alcohol. I didn't really care though; he was a means to an end, nothing more.

I pulled him a few feet farther into the alley, noting that I had garnered the attention of the two vamp patrol. Before he could reach into his pocket to pull out the foul smelling twenty, my fangs popped out and I sank them into his neck.

I didn't even get to take a second pull before I was shoved off the obscene smelling John. Vamp patrol guy number one quickly restrained me in silver while patrol vamp number two glamoured the John. Though the silver was painful, I smiled knowing I had achieved my goal. "You're not a newbie, I can smell it, so I know that you know it's a crime to feed in public." Vamp patrol number one berated.

I laughed. "Then take me to your sheriff." I mockingly replied.

"Lady, you don't know what you're asking for." He responded, sounding almost sorry for me. He shouldn't. I knew exactly what I was asking for.

* * *

The familiar scent of pathetic fangbangers inundated my sensitive nostrils. I noted that the place really hadn't changed all that much over the last thirty years. The jazzy neon sign still lit up the front of the building and the line was still out the door. Though Pam no longer manned the front entrance, I did recognize the vampire at the door.

"Sookie Stackhouse." He greeted me without emotion while nodding to the two vamp patrolmen.

I nodded in greeting. "Maxwell Lee." I replied. He gestured, indicating that the patrol vamps should take me in.

The inside of the club looked the same as it had the last time I'd been there, which was when we'd all conspired to kill Victor Madden. Tourists still came in by the busload and fangbangers still came in the hopes of securing the attentions of a vamp.

The vamp patrol opened his office door and I got my first glance of the man who has haunted my life. He was facing away from us reading a piece of paper, so all I could see were his broad shoulders and muscular back which was covered only by a black tank top.

"Sheriff, we caught this one feeding in public." Vamp patrol one said as he shoved me forward. Eric looked up from his paper, but hadn't yet faced me. For a small moment, I felt anxiety creeping through me, but I quelled it. This was my plan after all and I was determined to see this through.

As soon as he turned and saw me, his eyebrows rose slightly. To the human eye, it was barely perceptible, but to a vamp it was the equivalent to a jaw drop. Though to his credit, he quickly schooled his features back to his normal aloof authoritative "sheriff" self.

"Leave us." He demanded of the two vamps. We stared at each other for a few long moments. The silent tete-a tete, was slightly unnerving. I had thought of this moment for decades and now that I was there standing in front of him, I was second guessing the wisdom of it all.

"I have to punish you." Was his response to the silent standoff brewing between us. I shrugged nonchalantly. He had been punishing me for decades so perhaps the physical incarnation would make me feel better. He stared at me again, gauging my reaction, I supposed.

He set down the paper in his hand and he circled around his desk so that we were now face to face. "The normal punishment is one year in a silver coffin." He said as if trying to get a reaction from me. Again, I shrugged. I knew what the punishment was.

He narrowed his eyes at me. Guess my response wasn't what he expected. "Why?" He asked harshly.

"Because I was hungry." I lied. Speaking to him after so long felt odd.

"No, not why did you feed in public, which was supremely stupid by the way, but why are you here?"

"Because I was caught feeding in public." I replied.

"Don't be glib, Sookie." He admonished, losing his patience with me. "Why are you in Louisiana?" he demanded.

"Not happy to see me sheriff?" I asked acidly.

"Dammit Sookie!" He thundered. "Answer my question!" He was pissed. I suppose I knew he would react that way.

"Well it's my birthday and I thought I'd celebrate in the place of my human birth." I replied shrugging my shoulders. In truth, it _was_ my human birth date, but this date also had other significance. In fact this day thirty years ago, my brother was murdered by a pack of panthers from Gainesville which ultimately led to my being made vampire by one of Felipe DeCastro's minions.

So yeah, maybe I was lashing out a bit and maybe I wanted Eric to know just how much he ruined my life.

"Sookie." He said warningly. I knew I was being difficult by not answering his questions the way he wanted me to, but that was kind of the point.

"Do what you have to do, sheriff." I responded. I hoped that he did punish me, God knows I deserved it. But being punished by him would also serve another purpose- It would punish him.

The silver bindings were beginning to eat away my skin, but the pain didn't bother me. I had become a sick masochist since being turned. I liked to feel pain because at least that meant I still felt at all.

"I hope you have the guts to punish me yourself though." I goaded. My twisted plan would be all for naught if he had one of his minions exact my penance.

"You want me to punish you?" he asked incredulously. I didn't respond, instead I just stared at him blank faced. Yes, of course I wanted him to punish me. He deserved it, I deserved it.

He shook his head looking at me with an exasperated expression. "You want me to punish you? Fine by me." He said grabbing my arms and yanking me out of his office and down to the basement.

Within a matter of seconds, I was trussed up to the cold cement wall in silver bindings and a silver gag was placed in my mouth. Yes. Pain.

"I don't want to do this." He mused out loud. Pacing back and forth, but with a grim resolve, he grabbed a whip that contained a silver ball at the end. It would hurt like hell to be hit with it, but I didn't care.

"You are punishing me." He said as he hit me with the whip for the first time. Smart man, he knew this game.

After about fifteen lashes, he abruptly stopped. I was a bloody mess and I had scars all over my midsection, but they would heal in an hour. "I did everything I could Sookie." He said looking me in the eye. I noticed a tiny speck of blood pooling in the corner of his eyes. Perhaps some of my blood spattered him?

He walked towards me and took the silver ball gag out of my mouth and asked, "Why are you here?" He sounded miserable.

"To punish you." I finally gave him the answer that he knew all along. "You're the reason I'm the way I am. You're the reason my brother is dead. You didn't fight for me." I spewed. Maybe some of the accusations were a little unfair, but that's how I felt.

"Sookie, I." He began, but stopped himself. "There is so much." He trailed off, dropping the whip and he fell to his knees. In that moment I was struck by his reaction. Only one other time had I seen the great Eric Northman show that much emotion and that was after I had been kidnapped and he explained to me why he couldn't be there to save me from Thing One and Thing Two.

Part of me felt extreme guilt for making him feel that way, but a greater part of me felt like it he deserved it. My retribution.

I was thankful to still be trussed to the cement wall, because in that moment I felt emotionally weak enough to comfort him. But it wasn't water under the bridge, and I couldn't forgive him.

While he had been busy making a new vampire, I had been falsely accused of murdering my own brother. While he was away playing vamp daddy to a no named guy that he only made into a vampire so that he could order him to marry Freyda instead of Eric having to, I was forced to get bailed out of my legal predicament by my recently dead maker, Horst Friedman.

Eric abandoned me to secure his own freedom all the while mine was forcefully taken from me. And to add insult to injury, after being kidnapped by my maker and being made vampire against my will, Eric never even tried to see me. No, he was rolling around like a pig in shit, basking in his freedom not giving a damn about me, his so-called wife.

Eric stood up, not looking me in the eye. He unleashed me from my bindings and I fell to my feet. "Go." He said simply, forlornly pointing to the door.

* * *

I still had my family home, a concession Horst made in order to keep me cooperative. He had made sure to keep it maintained, though no major improvements were made. That was fine by me, I wanted it to stay the same way I remembered it. Before I went home, I stopped at the Sweet Home cemetery. The final resting place for all of the Stackhouses, Jason included.

That was the first time I had been back to Bon Temps since his funeral. I carried a lot of culpability over his death. I recall Alcide telling me once that bitten Weres didn't live long, mainly because they were considered freaks even amongst the born Weres. But Jason was supposed to have the protection of Calvin Norris and the Hot Shot Panthers. The day he was killed, a few shifters came into Merlotte's. I knew they were bad news and I even saw them eyeing Jason with contempt. I should've called Calvin right then and there, but I didn't and because I didn't, Jason lost his life.

At his funeral, I couldn't even look his widow, Michele, in the eyes. Though she knew I didn't kill him, she still thought I could've done more to stop it from happening. At the time of his funeral, which was held at night, I had been a vampire all of two days, and my emotions were so out of control,I didn't even make it to the burial. I regret that to this very day.

I placed a small bouquet at Gran's headstone and said a few words to her, and then I moved on to Jason's. All of my emotions and guilt came rolling in like storm surge during a cat five hurricane. Bloody tears fell from my face as I apologized over and over to Jason. I would give anything to change the events that occurred, if I had only saved the Cluviel d'Or.

Lost in my grief, I failed to hear the approaching vampire until it was too late.

"Sookie." He said softly. Why had he followed me? Couldn't I just grieve in peace? I didn't get up; I didn't even acknowledge his presence. He knelt down next to me and pulled my body against his. I wanted to spurn his comfort, but I _needed_ it and I hated the fact that after all this time, he still had the ability to make me feel better.

I ruined his shirt with my bloody tears, but he didn't care. He just held me until I got it out of my system. I released myself from his grip, and then sat next to him with my knees pulled up to my chin.

"Why did you follow me?" I asked him.

"Because you're hurting and because I care about you." He replied as he eyed me carefully.

"I hate you." I said without emotion.

"I know." He replied back hanging his head.

I didn't hate him, I realized. I loved him and I wished that I was indifferent towards him.

"I can't change what's happened." He said, "But I can help you." I snorted. Did I want his help? Did I even need help? Clearly he thought my little public feeding stunt was a cry out. Maybe it was.

"You can't." I said with finality.

"I love you." He replied with such conviction that I could feel its truth.

"Right." I said disbelievingly. If he loved me then I was the Pope.

"I know you have no reason to believe me, but I do. I tried to fight for you." He said. I wanted to get up and run as fast as I could, but my legs felt cemented to the ground.

"Lies." I said.

"Sookie, your maker is the second to my king. If my king forbids me from seeing or speaking to you, then I must obey." I'd heard that argument before ad nauseum. First Bill with Lorena, then Eric with Victor, then Eric again with Freyda. Same old song just a different tune.

I didn't say anything so he kept going. "Your maker made a request to Felipe that I not contact you. I could be punished for even being here now. I regret the way things have worked out."

I paused thinking of how I should respond to him, but all I could manage was, "My maker is dead." I said tersely.

"How, When?" He asked, seemingly shocked.

"A week ago. Freak lawn mowing accident." I replied sarcastically. In actuality he was executed because he betrayed Felipe. His stupidity won me my freedom, so I can't say that I'm sorry it happened.

"Stay with me." He said the words as more of a request and I could sense his hopefulness.

"Can't." I replied. Won't was more like it. I didn't trust myself around him. Even being there with him in the intimate setting of the Sweet Home Cemetery was beginning to be too much.

"Will you go back to Nevada?" He asked.

"No." I planned to stay at my family home for a while, then after that who knew? Perhaps I'd travel a bit, see the world. I had plenty of money. Horst, stupid as he may have been, had actually been quite a good investor. After paying a hefty fine to Felipe, I had a decent net worth.

"Come to my home tomorrow." He said, demanding as ever. He must have noticed my reluctance because he added, "Please." I've never heard Eric say please before, it was kind of shocking.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I said. Again, I didn't trust myself around him.

"I'll be there until midnight." He said and then he was gone.

* * *

Against my better judgment, I stood at the entrance of Eric's gated community. The community was new and well to do thirty years ago it apparently was still considered a high end neighborhood in Shreveport. The trees were a little fuller and the surrounding neighborhood was much more populated. I was granted entrance and I made my way towards the familiar house that held both happy and horrifying memories.

"You came." He said as if in shock. I don't know why I came; perhaps my masochistic side was rearing its ugly head again.

He led me into his entryway, where I took off my shoes instinctually. He paused for a moment, as if to question my familiarity, but he didn't say anything.

I'd fed before I came, but he offered me a synthetic bottled blood. I took it graciously thanking him. I was surprised by my own lack of hostility.

"So." He said awkwardly.

"So." I replied. Where did we even begin? It felt strange to actually have a sit down conversation about the problems we had between us. This was not something we did when we were together, but perhaps should've.

"I know you blame me for, well, everything." He started. I tried to cut him off and explain to him that after thinking about everything last night, I didn't really blame him for _everything_. Just some things. But he held up his hand to stop me from interrupting.

"I deserve the blame. I shouldn't have left you without a word. I knew that you had been arrested for the murder of your brother, but I honestly thought the case was so weak that you would be released. I was busy tending to my new progeny Thad, that I couldn't get away to help you." He explained. He'd all but abandoned me after I used the Cluviel d'Or to save Sam, and he didn't bother to tell me why, so I just assumed it was because he'd made up his mind to go with Freyda.

At the time, I hadn't known that he'd turned Thad, T-Rex, for the sole purpose of ordering him to marry Freyda, though I found that out much later.

"I was trying to find a solution to the Freyda problem. You'd made it clear it was _my_ problem and if I truly loved you, which I did, I would "send her packing" as you say. I was stretched too thin, but I should've protected you from Horst. In that, I failed you." Though the bond was long gone, I still felt his honesty and his guilt over what had happened to me. At that moment, I felt a knot begin to unfurl and slowly dissipate.

The silence between us hung like a thick fog, but I found myself slowly forgiving him. Perhaps one day I could forgive myself.

"Will you always hate me?" He asked with such sadness. He was frightened that I would and that fact alone was eating away at him.

I swallowed thickly, though unnecessary, and I felt like my dead heart was caught in my throat. "I don't hate you." I may have at one time or another, but that hatred was born out of misplaced anger and resentment.

"You're still my wife, though Felipe refuses to recognize it." He grabbed my hand and placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles. If I had a heartbeat, it would no doubt be racing. After all this time, he still wanted me and I found that I longed for him as well. His touch was a reminder of all the ways I used to feel loved, of the time when he had no memories and all he knew was that he wanted to be with me.

I wish Hallow were still alive to erase my memories soI could live oblivious to the past and be free to love him without the pain and resentment seared into me from events long gone.

"I don't want to lie to you." I wasn't sure how to tell him exactly what I was feeling. "But I can't just pretend like the last thirty years never happened, like everything is hunky dory." The way he was holding my hand and my acceptance of his touch was messing with my head.

For the last thirty years, I had held fast to my anger and bitterness of him. But after hearing him explain his side of things, I felt like my feelings were totally invalid.

"I'm not asking you to." He said tilting my chin just so that our eyes met. "Maybe we can start anew?" He said hopefully. I didn't think I could start over with him all the while pretending nothing ever happened.

"I don't think I can do that." I replied. He dropped my hand and looked down at his feet in disappointment, so I quickly added, "But maybe we can figure out how to move past this somehow. I mean, I'll always blame myself for Jason's death." I admitted. He picked my hand back up.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to end. We weren't meant to be apart." I confessed. Thirty years ago, I never would've thought my life would turn out the way it had. I'd wanted to be with Eric all those years ago, but I never thought about what that would look like in the long run.

"I want to kiss you." He said and he did. The kiss was overflowing with a desperate kind of love and he held onto me as if he never wanted to let go. As his lips moved against mine, I realized how right it all felt. Him, me, us. This was how it was all supposed to be and I decided in that moment I wouldn't run from him, I would work hard at putting all my negative thoughts to rest and I hoped that he would do same as well.


End file.
